Some people believe that the range of technology available to individuals is increasing the gap between the rich people and the poor people. Others think this has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In
the
modern life, several Correct article usage
apply
people
think that the mumber
of Correct your spelling
number
technology
available to individuals lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
a
growth Remove the article
apply
the
distance between Change preposition
in the
the
rich Correct article usage
apply
people
and the
poor Correct article usage
apply
people
. I strongly believe this
has an
opposite impact on society. I would like to discuss both views before giving my own opinion.
On one Correct article usage
the
the
hand, Correct article usage
apply
it is clear that
the technology
era has created many great social platforms, such
as Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok
and so on. These are Correct your spelling
TikTok
popular
Add an article
a popular
place
to Fix the agreement mistake
places
people
share their personal information included
their Change the form of the verb
including
lifetyles
and Correct your spelling
lifestyles
lifestyle
success
. Fix the agreement mistake
successes
Moreover
, many rich people
usually show up their luxury
life on social media where all Replace the word
luxurious
people
can see them verry
easily. Correct your spelling
very
Therefore
, disadvantage
financial Wrong verb form
disadvantaged
people
will lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
confident
. Replace the word
confidence
This
increasing
the Wrong verb form
increases
gap
between the rich people
and the poor people
.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that range
of Correct article usage
the range
technology
available to individuals is decreasing the gap
between the
rich Correct article usage
apply
people
and the
poor Correct article usage
apply
people
. Because I have seen many rich people
who is
very successful, sharing their knowledge experience, guiding Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
how to become a free financial person. This
has motivated Change preposition
apply
to
many Change preposition
apply
people
to persua
their Correct your spelling
pursue
dream
and Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
finally
, Wrong verb form
become
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
cuccessful
and rich. Correct your spelling
successful
For example
, Jack Ma's motivative
videos have helped many Replace the word
motivational
people
believe to
their own Change preposition
in
capbility
to Correct your spelling
capability
achieved
their goals. Eventually, they become successful and rich.
In conclusion, in Wrong verb form
achieve
this
Add a comma
easy,
easy
I would like Correct your spelling
essay
people
understand
that many Add the particle
to understand
technology
available Change to a plural noun
technologies
are
not causing of Change the verb form
is
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
gap
between the
rich Correct article usage
apply
people
and the
poor Correct article usage
apply
people
. If we use them positively, they will help to encourage us to make
Verb problem
do
the
best to Change the word
our
persua
and make our dream Correct your spelling
pursue
persuade
become
true. Another Verb problem
come
mean
, they are Fix the agreement mistake
means
best
tools to help us to Correct article usage
the best
short
Verb problem
fill
gap
with the rich Correct article usage
the gap
people
.Submitted by writingeilts on
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Grammar/Spelling
Be careful with spelling and grammar to ensure clarity. For instance, 'the number of technology' should be 'the number of technologies', 'people share their personal information included their lifestyles' should be 'people share their personal information including their lifestyles', and 'disadvantage financial people will lost confident' should be 'less financially advantaged people may lose confidence'.
Linking Words
Use a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow of your arguments. Your essay could benefit from a more varied vocabulary to transition between ideas.
Examples
For higher scores in Task Achievement, include more specific examples that uniquely support your stance. The reference to Jack Ma is a good start; more examples like this could strengthen your essay.
Structure
Effective use of introduction and conclusion to frame the essay's arguments.
Organization
Good structure in paragraphs, with each discussing a specific viewpoint.
Examples
Use of relevant examples, such as Jack Ma, to support your argument.