Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

During
this
era, there is a phenomenon of
children
that are no longer interested in reading books and prefer spending their time using modern
technology
.
This
phenomenon opened a discussion between
people
and
this
essay will try to explain the positive and negative. Modern
technology
has brought so many advantages in various aspects of life. Back in life before the year 2000, maybe
people
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
then
could not imagine how they could communicate with another person on a different continent just by typing in their gadget.
Gadgets
are
such
a big innovation in modern
technology
as they can help
people
to do their work easily, without exception
also
for
children
's entertainment. During
parents
' busy time,
gadgets
will help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
entertain their kids by just watching YouTube videos or playing mobile games. By watching YouTube videos, it is not often that their son or daughter can learn faster and have more universal knowledge. From the prior paragraph,
gadgets
seem to be a good thing for kids.
That is
not a wrong way of thinking, but
parents
should
also
know what is the drawback of it. If they lean so much into
gadgets
due to
their busy work, their
children
will get addicted slowly to
gadgets
. The worst case is when
people
take away the gadget from their hand, they will get angry or cry
due to
their addiction.
Besides
that, if
parents
are not aware of what their
children
watch on their
gadgets
, there is a possibility of watching content
that is
not supposed to be watched at their age.
This
also
will be a problem for them. Based on the above paragraphs, of course, modern
technology
will have positive and negative impacts on
children
.
Parents
also
cannot deny the helpfulness of
gadgets
for their kids, so they need to act wisely by creating rules so the drawback possibility can be reduced.
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task achievement
Try to explicitly state your own opinion on the issue. While you discuss both views, adding a personal stance would strengthen the essay's argumentative component.
coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion. Make sure to briefly present the topic and your opinion in the introduction and summarise the main points with your stance in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This could enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures and transitions to link ideas more smoothly. This will improve the readability and sophistication of your writing.
task achievement
You have nicely outlined the advantages and disadvantages of modern technology for children, which shows a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical, allowing for easier understanding of your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interactivity
  • multimedia resources
  • educational apps
  • global connectivity
  • imagination
  • critical thinking
  • attention span
  • concentration
  • vocabulary depth
  • literary knowledge
  • cultural awareness
  • digital literacy
  • conventional reading
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