Banking and funding and their role in our life. Methods of paying. Discuss why it is important to open a bank account. Do you think it is safe to keep all your money in a bank? Which payment method do you prefer?

In
today
's contemporary era, banking and funding
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
play a crucial role in our daily life. It is important to open a
bank
account
due to
safety
and other numerous reasons that,
this
essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
among my
preferable
Replace the word
preferred
show examples
payment
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
. In
today
,
s
Correct your spelling
's
modern world, everything is progressing rapidly methods of paying
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
changed a lot
than
Change preposition
in
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
too.
Therefore
, it is essential to have a
bank
account
because
bank
accounts have many
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
paying
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
and purchasing something online. To exemplify
this
statement, if you go to the
bank
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
electrisity
Correct your spelling
electricity
bill it will
takes
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
even more than
hour
Correct article usage
an hour
show examples
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
of
crowd
Add an article
the crowd
a crowd
show examples
in
bank
Correct article usage
the bank
show examples
queue but if have a
bank
account
you
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
pay it from home via some application or website. Nowadays,
safety
Add an article
the safety
show examples
of keeping money has
became
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become
show examples
a great concern for people. The only ideal suggestion for protecting our money is to put it in a
bank
. Storing cash at home has several risks like
,
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apply
show examples
stealing and
burn
Wrong verb form
burning
show examples
on the other hand
,
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
absolutely safe from these kinds of dangers cuz,
today
every single
bank
is equipped with security cameras,
fire
Correct word choice
and fire
show examples
alarm
Fix the agreement mistake
alarms
show examples
and there are some security guards for enhancing
safety
.
For instance
, consider yourself as a
theif
Correct your spelling
thief
would prefer a secure
bank
for robbing or a house
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
you will go for a house
due to
low jeopardize. In conclusion, having a
bank
account
is one of our biggest necessities because of
safety
and
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
reasons in
this
essay.
Today
, there are
diffirent
Correct your spelling
different
methods for
payments
Fix the agreement mistake
payment
show examples
but owing to my perceptions I would choose payment via
mastercard
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Mastercard
show examples
because of
availability
Correct pronoun usage
its availability
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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Accuracy
Make sure to proofread your work for slight grammar and spelling mistakes, for example, 'banking and funding is play a crucial role' should be 'banking and funding play a crucial role'.
Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to ensure the smooth flow of ideas. While you have made a commendable attempt, increasing the variety can further improve cohesion.
Complexity
Incorporate a range of sentence structures to demonstrate language flexibility and complexity, which can enhance the overall quality of your essay.
Specific Examples
Offer specific examples to support your points. You've provided general scenarios, but adding more detailed examples could strengthen your arguments.
Task Response
You effectively addressed all parts of the task, providing a clear opinion and reasoning throughout the essay.
Structure
You presented a logical structure, introducing your topic, developing your argument, and concluding your essay, which aids in understanding.
Relevance
You've chosen relevant main points that align well with the topic, showing a good understanding of the subject matter.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial institutions
  • Safeguarding
  • Facilitating transactions
  • Online banking
  • Direct deposits
  • Fraud protection
  • Digital payments
  • Economic growth
  • Financial security
  • Intermediaries
  • Credit availability
  • Investment opportunities
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