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Band 5.5

Some people think that the amount of money spent on libraries is a waste as new technologies are developing and replacing library functions. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #amount #money #libraries #waste #technologies #library #functions
In the present age, whether
libraries
 are still useful and worth spending money on has sparked much
debates
Fix the agreement mistake
debate
show examples
. Some
people
 assert that
libraries
 are necessary,
whereas
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
other
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others
show examples
 argue that modern electronics can replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional
libraries
. Personally, I am in favour of the latter view. First and most importantly,
libraries
 are expensive to maintain.
This
 is because
,
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apply
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books
 and various printed publications must be kept at the right temperature and humidity.
As well as
,
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apply
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 expensive
books
 have to be protected from the sunlight and cleaned regularly.
Moreover
, nowadays because of
the
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apply
show examples
cutting-edge technologies,
e-
Correct your spelling
e-libraries
libraries
 can be easily made. They have many benefits.
For example
,
books
 can be accessible from everywhere.
Besides
, there is no need to hire so
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 personnel and take care of the building.
Lastly
, the same book can be borrowed by several
people
 at a time.
Consequently
,
people
 don’t have to wait in a
que
Correct your spelling
queue
 for months to get access to some publications.
On the other hand
, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people
 spend their whole
work day
Correct your spelling
workday
show examples
 near electronic devices and want to rest from the blue light.
Therefore
, they prefer paper
books
.
Additionally
, if
libraries
 are closed, a lot of
people
 are going to lose their
work place
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workplace
show examples
, which leads to high unemployment
level
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levels
show examples
.
Finally
, some
people
 use
library
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the library
show examples
 as a quiet place to study and get
an
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apply
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access to a computer. Having considered both views, I think the number of
libraries
 should be decreased,
although
 not entirely, since they have many purposes and benefits for
the
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apply
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society.
Submitted by oimigle on

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task achievement
Try to expand on your examples with more detailed evidence or explanations to further strengthen your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is consistent throughout the text.
coherence & cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, presenting and summarizing your main points clearly.
coherence & cohesion
Your argument is logically structured, facilitating an easy follow-through for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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