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Band 5.5

Tourism and problems it brings about (causes) and what are the solutions.

#tourism
Tourism
 is one of the most prosperous industries which brings economic growth to the host countries. Alongside all the positive impacts of
tourism
, it spoils the
nature
 and environment. In the following paragraphs, the environmental problems which are caused by tourists are discussed and several solutions offered. One of the most negative impacts of
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
 industry is environmental issues which directly affect
nature
 and wild ecosystems
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since the potential attraction points are located near the ocean, mountains, forests and other natural views.
This
 problem
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 become important, especially for the region with a lot of visitors.
People
 throw away their trash especially
plastic
trashes
Correct subject-verb agreement
trash
show examples
 in
nature
 that make arm for animals and the local ecosystem, since the
plastic
trashes are
Correct subject-verb agreement
trash is
show examples
 not decayed or recycled naturally.
Such
 garbage remains for more than 200 years. In 2022, Martin Seligman, a journalist published a report
indicated
Wrong verb form
indicating
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 that more than 1000 tons
plastic
Change preposition
of plastic
show examples
 waste per year is thrown out by visitors to Hawaii Island. It seems that human beings will destroy the ecosystem in the near future. One efficient solution to overcome the mentioned problem is imposing fines on
people
 who do not care about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 council. The individuals who spoil the
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 land through
plastic
 rubbish must pay a heavy penalty in order to prevent it.
Also
, it seems reasonable that local government can take policies toward recycling technologies in these areas and persuade
people
 to participate in a program in which a group of
people
 clean an area of all of the
trashes
Correct subject-verb agreement
trash
show examples
. In summary,
although
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 industry has too much benefits for host countries, the negative side of
this
 industry is noticeable. Environmental problems caused by abandoned
plastic
 rubbish in
nature
 are the most challenging issues that
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 areas are faced. Local government can handle it
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 imposing fines or holding programs to clean those areas
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 toxic
trashes
Correct subject-verb agreement
trash
show examples
.
Submitted by hamid.mansouri on

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Introduction Improvement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, but it could be enhanced by directly stating what solutions will be discussed.
Cohesion Assistance
To increase cohesion, try linking sentences and paragraphs more explicitly. Using transition words like 'therefore', 'hence', or 'as a result' can help guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
Argument Enhancement
When providing examples or solutions, it might be beneficial to cite more specific or a wider range of sources to strengthen your arguments.
Conclusion Enhancement
Consider concluding with a broader statement about the importance of finding a balance between tourism development and environmental protection. This could provide a strong finish to your essay.
Effective Example
You have effectively used a specific example (the Hawaii Island case) to support your argument about environmental damage, which strengthens your task response score.
Solution-oriented Approach
Your solution-oriented approach is commendable. Offering concrete solutions, like imposing fines and promoting recycling programs, clearly addresses the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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