IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think one should stay all their life in the same job, whereas others advocate changing jobs from time to time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #life #job #advocate #jobs #time
It is true that in
this
 day and age, opinion is divided over whether
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 people ought to engage in the same workplace, meanwhile, other recommends changing jobs frequently. In
this
 essay, I will look at both sides of
this
 debate
as well as
 offer my own point of view. Turning first of all to the argument in favour of
this
 statement, it goes without saying that working in the same place will give stability to their life.
For example
, in Japan, our salary raises proportionally with their years of service. At the same time, those who hold the same
job
 earn experience
while
 working and so become experts.
Moreover
, having a lot of experience
also
 leads to self-esteem or confidence. As far as the other side of
this
 debate is concerned, it is generally acknowledged that continuing to
work
 even though relationships are not going well at the place of
work
 is just stressful. It may
also
 be worth noting that the number of
job
 changes is the number of challenges.
For instance
, changing jobs means a different place to
work
, different things to do for
work
 and
also
 different mates to
work
 with,
as a result
, the probability of finding an opportunity increases
accordingly
. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above, it can be seen that there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
 debate.
However
, I am of the opinion that in the grand scheme of things, rather than sticking to the same
job
, it is more important to choose a
job
 that suits your current environment.
Submitted by yusei.nakano.0516 on

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Specific Examples
Introduce more specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay mentions general situations, but concrete examples will significantly enhance your argument's persuasiveness.
Coherence
Try to ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs. Use linking phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument with greater clarity.
Conclusion Development
Work on developing your conclusion further. While you've provided a summary, including more insightful reflections on the topic could offer a stronger closing to your essay.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively outlines the essay's topic, providing a clear overview of what will be discussed.
Argument Structure
You've clearly presented both sides of the debate, demonstrating an understanding of the argumentative essay format.
Opinion Expression
Your personal opinion is well-stated, giving a good balance to the essay by comparing both sides before expressing your view.
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