Some parents are worried about increasing levels of violence in TV,Video games and other entertainments for Children's leisure. how does this affects the children? how do you think this can be tackled?

#parents #levels #violence #tv #video #games #entertainments #children #leisure

These days there is an increased level of

violence

in various sources of entertainment like

video

games

movies

, and so on, and

parents

are concerned about

this

because

this

violence

negatively impacts minors, but there are ways by which

this

can be handled.

To begin

with, by watching

violence

on different television programmes, web series, and

video

games

children

are becoming aggressive and violent.

For example

, in mostly

video

games

like Roblox, Pubgee and many more,

children

in order to go to the next level, and to win the game, have to kick, kill, and stab their player, and

this

gives them a state of pleasure. These things have a detrimental impact on their normal behaviour as they become rude and violent in their real life as well.

Moreover

, most

movies

these days have fight scenes with different weapons, and

also

usage of drugs and

violence

in them excites these minors and makes them aggressive.

However

, by adopting some ways, these problems can be tackled. First of all,

parents

need to monitor their

children

, they have to be vigilant about the behaviours of their sons and daughters.

Moreover

, they can restrict screen

time

and

video

game playing

time

also

all these

games

and

movies

have ratings, so

parents

can even check these ratings, and

accordingly

stop or restrict their

children

. Apart from that, they can play and watch

movies

and

games

with their

children

, and if they see any negative impact on them,

then

they can warn them at the same

time

Furthermore

, they can encourage their kids to participate more in indoor and outdoor activities, rather than just spending

time

watching

movies

or playing

games

also

they can play with them together for their child's stimulation. In conclusion,

although

with the rising levels of

violence

in TV shows,

video

games

and other entertainment sources,

children

are experiencing more aggression than ever before, I believe with monitoring by

parents

and with their proper intervention

this

problem can be tackled.

Submitted by harleenarora620 on Mon Apr 29 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Logical Structure

Keep focusing on linking your ideas and paragraphs smoothly to enhance readability.

Cohesion

Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Supported Main Points

Keep developing your ideas with clear, specific examples to strengthen your argument.

Complete Response

Make sure your essay covers all parts of the prompt comprehensively for a complete response.

Clear & Comprehensive Ideas

Continue to ensure your ideas are easily understandable and comprehensive, enriching them with relevant details where possible.

Relevant & Specific Examples

Use relevant and specific examples to support your main points which adds depth to your argument.

Introduction & Conclusion

You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your response.

Supported Main Points

Your main points are supported and developed through the essay, making your argument more persuasive.

Relevant & Specific Examples

You utilized relevant examples to illustrate your argument, enriching the content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some people think that paper money and coins will be completely replaced by credit cards and online methods of payment in the near future.Do you agree or disagree with this statement.
With the technological advancements in the banking system, nowadays people are presented with numerous ways of paying for purchases. It is often said that electronically operated banking cards will displace the use of paper money and coins. However, I don’t believe that modern payment methods will take over completely from traditional banknotes and coins.
5
band
In many large cities, people waste hours of their time everyday because of traffic congestion on the roads. What are the causes. what solutions can you suggest.
It is irrefutable that traffic jam has become a major problem in western socities. Some segments of society strongly argue that masses mostly stuck in the traffic on the roads and waste their precious time in metro cities.This essay intends to cast light on the contributing factors and remedial measures to put a halt to it.Further, I will explicate about this matter in the subsequent paragraphs.
<4
band
today，fashion is becoming more and more important in choosing clothes.What are the reasons?Do you think the trend is positive or negative?
New style of custume have been changing ,and it is wearing clothes are very important in the present because someone believe that if they have nice shirts, they will have a good looking like first impression.In my opinion, I think that this action may be good and bad ,and this essay will discuss about this situation.
5
band
1.Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often said that governments should treat healthcare more seriously rather than other areas. Personally, I disagree with this opinion; although healthcare may seem a sophisticated area, it is not really more important than other areas.
7
band
these days people in some countries are living in a throwaway society which means people use things in a short time then throw them away. what are its causes and what impacts can it have?
In the contemporary world, citizens of developed countries in particular have this tendency to use products for a short amount of time and then throw them away. This essay will attempt to discuss some of the reasons for this subject matter as well as the possible impacts which it might have.

Some parents are worried about increasing levels of violence in TV,Video games and other entertainments for Children's leisure. how does this affects the children? how do you think this can be tackled?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that paper money and coins will be completely replaced by credit cards and online methods of payment in the near future.Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

In many large cities, people waste hours of their time everyday because of traffic congestion on the roads. What are the causes. what solutions can you suggest.

today，fashion is becoming more and more important in choosing clothes.What are the reasons?Do you think the trend is positive or negative?

1.Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

these days people in some countries are living in a throwaway society which means people use things in a short time then throw them away. what are its causes and what impacts can it have?