IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

write a letter to an oncologist

#oncologist
I am writing to refer Mrs. Mario, a
46 years old
Correct your spelling
46-year-old
 assistant manager, who shows
sign
Fix the agreement mistake
signs
show examples
 and symptoms of
space occupying
Add a hyphen
space-occupying
show examples
lesion
Fix the agreement mistake
lesions
show examples
 in both breasts. She requires your assessment and valuable intervention. Mrs. Mario came to my clinic today with the
complain
Replace the word
complaint
show examples
 of pain in both her breasts. She
also
 explained that can touch some lumps there. She was so worried about that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the cancer
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 going to her family. Her mother and her grandmother both had a history of cancer. She had a history of irregular menstruation cycle in 2000.
Additionally
, she had
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
surgery
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 breast for cyst resection in 2008.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 we do not have full details about that. I should emphasize that she is not married and does not have any
breast-feeding
Correct your spelling
breastfeeding
show examples
 history. She is
smoker
Add an article
a smoker
show examples
 and social drinker. I would appreciate it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if you could visit her urgently for any appropriate
work up
Correct your spelling
workup
show examples
 in order to
ruling
Change the verb
rule
show examples
 out breast cancer. Yours sincerely,
Submitted by ali.homayoni93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure all medical terms are used correctly and provide more detail if possible, such as specifying 'space occupying lesion' to clarify for better understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider breaking longer sentences into shorter ones to enhance clarity and readability.
Task Achievement
In future letters, you might want to include more specific patient information, like recent test results, to provide a comprehensive view to the oncologist.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of the letter, with a clear introduction, patient history, and a call to action, effectively communicates the patient's situation.
Task Achievement
The use of formal and polite language is appropriate for communicating with a professional colleague.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: