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Band 5.5

the charts show the distribution of money spent on music in three different years in nothern ireland

the charts show the distribution of money spent on music in three different years in nothern ireland
#show #distribution #money #music #three #years #nothern #ireland
The pie charts depict
consumers
Change noun form
consumers'
consumer's
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 expenditure on four different
of
Change preposition
apply
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music
soursec
Correct your spelling
sources
 namely CDs, concerts,
digital
Change the word
digitally
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 downloaded
music
 and others.In three separate years in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Northern Ireland.
Overall
,
it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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much
Correct article usage
a much
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money
Change preposition
of money
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 was spent
for
Change preposition
on
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music
 CDs in the two first given years,
while
 the most required source of
music
 digital downloads in 2011 year.
Cds
Correct your spelling
CDs
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 made up 61 percent of the
money
 in 2005
this
 is 20% higher than in 2009.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 26
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the
money
 was
spenton
Correct your spelling
spent on
spent
 Disitad Download
however
 it was only 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
2005
Change preposition
in 2005
show examples
 going to Concerts was
away
Correct your spelling
way
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 more popular in 2005 than in 2008 2 portions of
money
Correct article usage
the money
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 were spent
other
Change preposition
on other
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 sources in both 2005
on
Change preposition
apply
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years. By 2011,a huge amount of
money
 was spent on downloaded
music
 (43%),
while
 CD
music
 and
music
 concerts required almost the same percentage of
money
 with
2
Correct article usage
a 2
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difference.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 the rest of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 resource was expensed for other sources of
music
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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