IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of total spending on four different categories by students in a European country from 1985 to 2015.

The charts below show the percentage of total spending on four different categories by students in a European country from 1985 to 2015.
#show #percentage #four #categories #students #european #country
The pie charts below provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the proportion of total bills on four different kinds of
expenditure
 by students in a particular country in Europe between 1985 and 2015.
Overall
, the figures for
expenditure
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food,
rent
 and clothes increased,
while
 that for entertainment decreased. The most noticeable feature was that the figure for
rent
 had increased dramatically over the
30 years
Correct your spelling
30-year
period
, reaching its peak at 50% in 2015. The proportion of the spending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rent
 outnumbered that on clothes by a ratio of 5 to 1 in 2015.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the same time, the percentage of
rent
 was twice as large as what it was in 1985.
In contrast
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food and clothes decreased from 30% and 20% to 22% and 10% in
this
period
.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, only a minor gap was reported among the four categories in 1985, with differences
no
Change preposition
of no
show examples
 more than 10%.
Furthermore
, the
expenditure
 on entertainment experienced significant fluctuation. It increased slightly from 25% to 28% in the first half of
this
period
, following a sharp decline in 2005. In the
last
 20 years, it slipped slowly from 20% to 18%.
Overall
, a large gap could be observed in the proportion of
expenditure
 on
rent
 and the remaining three categories in 2015. One of the most prominent features of
this
 data was that the
expenditure
 on entertainment remained the same in the
period
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1985 to 1995.
Submitted by shaobo.xu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, rent, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: