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Band 6.5

More students travel abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it?

#students #travel #education
Some people suppose that migrating to another country for
further
 education might bring more benefits than drawbacks. In
this
 essay, I will examine both views and explain why the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, people assert that studying abroad provides a better chance to improve students and their lives.
Firstly
, emigration could force students to be independent and they had to cope with their work.
For example
, when they leave their hometown, no one can help them cook or wash their dishes; so, they must do it independently.
Secondly
, if they decide to migrate, they must learn another language. To exemplify, most international universities' teaching programs require the students to learn English;
thus
, they are forced to be able to speak and write effectively in English.
On the other hand
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad
also
 has negative aspects,
such
 as paying high tuition.
For instance
, the tuition to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 at Australian universities in the computer science field for a master's degree is about 50,000 dollars per year,
besides
 renting a house and paying bills.
Moreover
, they have to migrate alone which will cause homesickness and loneliness, and have to adopt a new lifestyle. To illustrate, Asian people usually eat much more rice than Europeans, so if you travel to
Europe
Correct article usage
a Europe
show examples
 country, you must accept their culture and eat less rice.
To conclude
, I believe that the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages regarding learning foreign languages and being independent.
However
, it depends on personality and budget.
Submitted by shahab.a on

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Structure
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs to maintain logical flow and enhance readability.
Coherence
Use a wider range of linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
Content Depth
Consider expanding on the impact of learning new languages and cultural adaptation on personal growth, to deepen the analysis.
Balance
Try to avoid overgeneralizations and include more nuanced arguments about the disadvantages, to provide a balanced view.
Grammar and Accuracy
Proofread your essay to eliminate minor grammatical mistakes for a polished presentation.
Content Balance
Your essay provides a comprehensive view on the topic, effectively discussing both sides.
Examples
The use of examples to support your points is effective, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your viewpoint, stating why you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
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