It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Taking
risks
in professional and personal lives
is believed to be vital as
helping Change preposition
in
people
find out their strengthen
and weakness. Replace the word
strengths
While
there are certainly benefits to taking risks
, there are also
drawbacks that should be taken into account. From my perspective, I do think this
trend is more beneficial.
In the
personal Change the word
their
lives
, when people
get out of the safe zones, they can develop awareness and capacity. To explain further
, if people
just stay in a
comfort zones, they can not realize their Change the word
their
weakness
to fix and strengths to grow, they can Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
also
can
learn more skills Remove a modal verb
apply
such
as decision-making, critical
thinking. Correct word choice
and critical
Moreover
, from the skills people
have in personal growth, they can also
develop in professional
Correct pronoun usage
their professional
lives
. Risk-taking will help them gain more opportunities in their careers, for example
, Steven Jobs dropped university
to start Change preposition
out of university
business
in spite of the prevent from his parents, Add an article
a business
Correct word choice
and finally
finally
he reached his goal and Add a comma
finally,
be
one of the Verb problem
became
most
richest Change the adjective
apply
man
in the world.
Some Change to a plural noun
men
people
think that risk-taking people
may easily get failure
in Verb problem
fail
lives
. Correct pronoun usage
their lives
In other words
, when people
try to do the
jobs that they have never done before, they may be inexperienced to succeed in that area. Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, risks
can bring depression, frustration and also
mental problems if people
can not achieve success after getting out of the
comfort zones. Change the word
their
However
, the writer believes when people
take risk
, they will be more responsible for their own Fix the agreement mistake
risks
life
, the decision will be considered more serious and they pretend to spend more time to gain more knowledge to make sure Fix the agreement mistake
lives
for
their risky decisions.
In conclusion, Change preposition
of
although
taking risks
may destroy people
’s careers, it will bring success to their personal and work lives
if there is good planning and considerable decision.Submitted by AI EO on
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coherence cohesion
It's beneficial to ensure a balance between complex sentences and clarity in your writing to enhance your coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Introduce your examples more smoothly into the text to better support your main points, making your arguments stronger and more coherent.
task achievement
Try to address the drawbacks of taking risks with more balance, bringing in counterarguments and refutations to enrich your discussion and task achievement.
task achievement
The essay has a clear position throughout, which is good for task response.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, like Steve Jobs, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs that generally follow a logical order, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.