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Band 6.5

For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #children #teachers #influence #intelligence #development #parents
It is often thought that
teachers
 have more impact on children’s intelligence and social improvement rather than their
parents
. Personally, I partly agree with
this
 statement
due to
 the fact that the role of
parents
 can not be ignored. On the one hand,
parents
 have undeniable influence over their children
instead
 of educational stuff. It is obvious that
parents
 play a significant role in every aspect of the development of a child’s life. They are the first mentors since birth. So,
this
 implies that
parents
 elaborate on talkative skills and intellect.
Moreover
, mother and father guide youths, discuss and talk with them through
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all spheres of life.
Besides
, they prepare them to deal with failures and motivate them to communicate with other people. It is clear, that
parents
 have some influence on children.
On the other hand
, juveniles spend time not only with
parents
 but with other people too especially with
teachers
.
To begin
 with, from
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 moment a child goes to school he or she will
frequent
Change the word
frequently
show examples
 with teaching staff. School
teachers
 help them to exchange their knowledge and communication skills. They direct them on a daily basis, providing any kind of information and encouraging them to talk with classmates.
In addition
, they inspire them to do various logical quizzes, exercises which expand comprehension and games which are aimed at developing communicativeness.
For instance
, a lot of people develop sociability after school. It is obvious, that
teachers
also
 have an impact on children. Taking everything into consideration, I believe that educators have a key role in the enhancement of young’s educational and social skills.
However
, the influence of
parents
 should not be underestimated.
Submitted by dementevas256 on

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Task Achievement
Introduction presents a clear thesis, but more specific examples in body paragraphs could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate more varied transitions to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Consider including a wider range of examples directly related to the impact of teachers and parents on children's development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You've adeptly balanced the discussion by examining both views, contributing to a well-rounded response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foundational role
  • structured influence
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • appetite for learning
  • curriculum
  • learning styles
  • socialize
  • cooperate
  • navigate social norms
  • underestimated
  • role models
  • confined
  • academic year
  • life lessons
  • formative years
  • moral and behavioral development
  • supportive home environment
  • reinforcing
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