IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should therefore be made more difficult for the individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?

#people #credit #cards #loans #debts #individuals #amounts #money
The following essay will go into detail about: the risks, rewards,
benefits
 and my own personal opinion on taking loans and
credit
 cards and will be answering the question about the difficulty in taking a loan. Taking a loan has many
benefits
 but today we will talk about very few, including being able to pay a large amount of money upfront in case you need it
for example
, paying a hospital bill, buying a house. Or even smaller things like fixing the refrigerator and not being able to pay at the moment,
that is
 a moment in which a
credit
card
 would be the most useful in the sense that you can pay an expensive service that can cost up to 10,000 dollars, in smaller payments for a few months. Another benefit of a
credit
card
 is the fact that it allows you to stay at a hotel and leave insurance in the way of your
card
. Another benefit are rewards and
benefits
 that having a
credit
card
 allows you to have
for example
: cash back in certain restaurants, discounts when staying at select hotels,
as well as
 being able to maintain a good
credit
 score that offers many
benefits
. There are
also
 down sides to
credit
 cards and loans
for example
, thinking you are able to pay for what you bought but not being able to actually afford it, dragging you into a long cycle of debt in which you fail to pay future
credit
card
 bills because of your already existing ones. In conclusion, owning a
credit
card
 and taking loans do have more
benefits
 than not having them. Which is why I believe that the difficulty in being approved for a loan or owning a
credit
card
 should not be increased because many people do depend on
this
 system of debts in order to live.
Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the question throughout your essay. While you present benefits and downsides, ensuring a concise stance or opinion directly related to the difficulty of obtaining loans or credit would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Using a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases can improve the flow of your essay. While the structure is clear, more sophisticated connectors could enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Incorporate a broader variety of specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. Your current examples are relevant, but adding more could provide a stronger argumentative foundation.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, framing your essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured in a logical manner, making it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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