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Band 7.5

In many countries, there is shortage of housing due to growing population. Some people argue that new towns should be built in the country side, others argue for the regeneration of cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of building new towns in the country?

#countries #shortage #population #people #towns #country #side #regeneration #cities
The growing population confirms that humanity is thriving, but it
also
 brings new challenges, especially around food and
space
.
This
 is proven by the housing crisis that exists in the world. The argument of whether the new housing should be set in the countryside is a debatable one,
that is
 both agreed upon and disagreed with by many. The two sides of
this
 will be thoroughly analysed and discussed before drawing a reasoned conclusion.
Firstly
, expanding into the countryside would now mean we can utilize the learnings from our older settlements and move towards making the right
as well as
 better choices, which would mean that we are now more efficiently utilizing the
space
 and are able to service a larger group of people.
This
 has been proven by the architectural choices made in apartment constructions around the city of Chennai, India. Enabling the city to host more people on the rural side within a limited
space
.
This
 proves that establishing new colonies if done right, could be a very good idea.
On the other hand
, even though we are able to use the
space
 more effectively, it would still mean that we have to replace existing farmlands that grow crops
as well as
 those that are used to raise cattle.
This
 would mean that we now have affected the
overall
 supply of food, which in turn results in a greater demand for it, eventually raising the prices of our number one commodity and the basis of our survival.
For instance
, the cost of potatoes in 2004 had a significant bump
due to
 most farmers in Idaho replacing their fields with commercial homestays that yielded more profit.
This
 clearly shows the direct impact the move will have on our society. In summary,
while
 new constructions
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to provide a potential solution to the current problem it is predicted that the adverse effects of replacing country lands which are mostly utilized for farming with housing will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of
this
, it would be a better idea to take up regeneration of the existing cities over the later option.
Submitted by praneeth2094 on

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Task Achievement
To further improve, consider expanding your examples and analysis for each point to fully develop your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay further.
Task Achievement
It would benefit your essay to provide a more diverse range of examples from different regions and sectors.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of building new towns in the countryside, effectively addressing the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is commendable, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You made good use of specific examples to support your points, making your argument more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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