Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and gie your own opinion.
In recent days, there
is
an increasing number of Wrong verb form
has been
children
who have has
Verb problem
been
obesity
in many countries. I personally think that there are some possible causes triggering Replace the word
obese
this
issue, and I believe that this
trend could lead to some potential long-term problems.
Poor diet and bad habit
could be the major causes of a child becoming overweight. It cannot be doubted that junk food is Fix the agreement mistake
habits
easily
to be found everywhere. In Replace the adverb
easy
this
modern era, children
consume a lot of less nutritious food that has cheap price
. Some parents Fix the agreement mistake
prices
do
not Verb problem
are
put
Verb problem
apply
serious concern
Replace the word
seriously concerned
of with
what their Change preposition
about
children
must eat during their growing-up age. In additionNext
, wasting time on the screen for the whole day can limit Correct your spelling
addition
children
’s physical activities. They should go outside to play games with other children
because it could help them a lot to burn their calories.
Having
Unnecessary verb
Obesity
obesity
can create severe complications in the future, such
as mental illness and serious diseases. If a child experiences
overweight, they have more Verb problem
is
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
to be
bullied by people around them. Change preposition
of being
For example
, their relatives or teachers or the same-age friends often call them by their body size or shape. Children
with obesity
will feel less confidence to socialize and then
it put
them in stressful and depressed Wrong verb form
puts
feeling
. Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
Moreover
, obese
Add an article
the obese
circumstance
can affect Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
the
heart health, and it Correct article usage
apply
rises
Correct your spelling
raises
their
blood cholesterol level. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Children
who are indicated as overweight, often feel tired rather than others.
In conclusion, children
who have too much body mass might be triggered by poor
quality of what they eat daily and their passive Add an article
the poor
habit
. Fix the agreement mistake
habits
This
issue can force children
to deal with physical and mental illness. It should
be better if the governments Verb problem
would
collaborate
with the Non-governmental Organizations to do Wrong verb form
collaborated
campaign
Add an article
a campaign
of
Change preposition
for
obesity
prevention, so it can improve the
Correct article usage
apply
people
awareness.Change noun form
people's
Submitted by stevvileny on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address the prompt directly and discuss both views presented, before giving your own opinion. Your essay didn't directly address the given topic about professionals working in their training country vs. abroad.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to include more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences to improve the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Adding more relevant examples and details would strengthen your discussion and give clearer insight into your viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the main points of the discussion effectively, reiterating your own stance clearly.
Task Achievement
You made an effort to discuss causes and effects, which is good for developing arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
The general structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is present, which is positive for your essay's organization.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.