Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some people opine that competing with
others
is a good way to teach children. However
, others
state that learning how to collaborate with peers is the more important one
. In my view, it is hard to say which one
is the better, but I will give my opinion on both ways in the following paragraphs.
Comparing with others
may motivate kids to grow up and improve. Sometimes this
is essential for educators to force it. For example
, when I was a grade school student, our home teacher asked us to joined
a competition group in order to achieve higher scores Wrong verb form
join
for
in our classes. The pupil whose credits were lower than their rivals will be published by their teacher. That was a great way for learners to progress. Change preposition
apply
However
, I do not support this
strategy, because it is unfair that if your opponents are much better than you, you will not have any chance to win this
game.
Learning to work together is vital in your life because in working, it is inevitable that you have to work with your co-workers on a project. I can not think of one
job which does not cooperate with others
. Even grave-shift guards need to do things with others
. For instance
, when I was working as a security officer in a hotel, one
day, the detective asked me to assist him in an undercover mission. I tried my best to help him in catching the gangsters. Thus
, if you learn how to manage a team or work with others
as a group, that may be useful in your
future.
In a nutshell, I can not make a decision about which Change the word
the
one
is more influential in a child, but I gave my reason and example about them above. A sense of competition can incentivize a person to pursue a goal. Collaborating with others
can aid you in your group life. Currently, no job is fighting sole. Instead
, most occupations rely on others
' helping
.Replace the word
help
Submitted by edward300225 on
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Writing Mechanics
Be mindful of spelling and grammar to increase clarity and precision in your writing. For example, 'opponents are much better than you, you will not have any chance to win this game' could be revised for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Argumentation
Strengthen the connection between your examples and the overall argument. Ensure that each example directly supports your point for a more compelling argument.
Conclusion
Consider a more conclusive statement in your conclusion. A clear statement of preference or opinion adds strength to your essay and provides a satisfying closure for the reader.
Introduction
Your introduction aptly sets out the essay's structure and topic. This helps readers follow your argument throughout.
Use of Examples
The use of real-life examples, such as your experience in a hotel and as a grade school student, makes your argument more relatable and persuasive.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite