some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

It is commonly believed that

Correct your spelling

show examples

unite all

people

from different cultures and ages

together with

musicmusic

Correct your spelling

music music

. I agree with the statement because

this

music

will teach another

language

, promote

empathy

, and celebrate diversity.

Firstly

, one reason why

music

might be crucial to uniting the whole

people

of the world is providing another

language

. In the cutting-edge era, individuals can access some

music

from different countries.

While

they feel the melody of the

music

is good even though they do not know the meaning of the song. they might be curious about the meaning and undeliberately

then

they study

this

language

Therefore

music

is one of the factors why

people

want to study another

language

. Another consideration why

music

is a good way of uniting

people

of different cultures and ages together is promoting

empathy

Music

serves as a powerful tool for expressing the current state of a country. By listening to

music

that reflects different nations, individuals can develop a deeper understanding of global issues and cultivate

empathy

towards

people

from diverse cultural backgrounds.

Lastly

, the other point on

music

that can unite all

people

is celebrating diversity. Each country has different races and perspectives which is the source of problems. By providing

music

, they can leverage one moment to celebrate diversity like a country has won a champion league in soccer. In conclusion, bringing

people

of different cultures and ages together can be done through

music

to study another

language

, promote a sense of

empathy

, and celebrate a different culture.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat May 04 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your score further, make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument with specific examples and clear explanations. While you have provided some examples, elaborating more on how these examples support your argument can enhance clarity and impact.

Coherence and Cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wide range of vocabulary to convey your points more vividly. This can also include using transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making your writing more engaging and easier to follow.

Coherence and Cohesion

You provided a clear and logical structure to your essay, which helps in making your argument coherent and easy to follow.

Task Achievement

You effectively addressed the prompt, providing a comprehensive response to the topic and clearly stating your agreement with the idea that music unites people of different cultures and ages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

252 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Air transport is increasingly used to transport fruit and vegetables to other countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

As a result of electronic inventions such as computer and television, people do less physical activities and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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The best way to improve children’s life is fathers and mothers attending course for parenting and child development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?